My Blog

RANDOMNESS.

I've noticed that I haven't been talking much on the blog lately. I have some bigger text-based posts that I've been working on and some "thinking..." posts in my head, but I've had a tough articulating what I've been thinking about lately. Hoping some long chats with my best friends with my friends at home will help. Can't wait. Four days!

Anyhow, here are some random, silly thoughts/statements about me.

1. I cannot sing.  If I could sing like anyone though, it'd be Lissie. There are probably musicians I like more, but if I could transplant any voice to my own, I'd pick hers.

2. If I wasn't going to be an artist, I'd probably go to school for psychology or nursing. I love acting and writing, but don't think I have the drive or talent to really seek either.

3. BLUE JEANS. I go on this rant all the time, because I think it's weird. When did we decide we could wear blue jeans with everthing? Don't get me wrong, I love jeans and wear them all the time. BUT. If your blue jeans were just regular dark blue, fabric pants, you would not pair them with a pink shirt. But if wearing jeans and a pink shirt is totally fine.  I just think it'd odd that as a society we've decided dark blue pants are a nuetral and we can pair them with anything. I don't think they look bad, because it's so normal, but seriously? Weird stuff.

4. I sometimes dream about changing my major to graphic design, art therapy, or gender studies.

5. I've never been a royal blue kind of girl, but my sweet aunt sent me a t-shirt in a care package a few months ago and I suddenly realized this color looks really good with my pale skin and bright, red hair.

6. Speaking of red... It's my least favorite color. Which I realized was ironic the other day because I love red hair and bright red lipstick.

7. After intense drawing for four months, I catch myself look at people and objects in the context of their volume. It's really annoying.

8. As a person who said loves meat and said I'd never become a vegetarian, not meating eat is actually really easy for me. (edited: errr. not "eating meat".) I haven't eaten meat in 8 months and it's so normal now. Though I randonly crave McDonald's cheeseburger. Gross, I know.

Byez.

SO...

After much drama, crying, and bad airport food, I'm still not home. Bad weather in Chicago made for a very long night. And somehow I find myself at the Chicago airport at 7 a.m., blogging. I have a flight home at noon, so I'm biding my time and preparing to lose it completely if I'm not home by tonight.

Anyhow. Finals ended! I survived. And I didn't blog because this is what I was doing:

Going out for dinner and to the Bryant Park holiday market on Friday night right after my last final:

And then back to school to celebrate with some bubbly! (sparkling cider) and Love, Actually. .

Went to do the cliche tree at Rockefeller, Starbucks, Macy's deal:

Tree:

And then we made pancakes and finished up handmade Christmas presents in my dorm:

And then Sunday met Gigi and Patty for lunch at Union Square and we meandered around the Union Square holiday market!

It was seriously the loveliest weekened ever. I forgot what it felt like to have fun without feeling guilty about having fun. Ha. Usually I'm thinking the whole time about the homework I should be doing.

I need to chill, dudes. But, guess what! A whole month of chilling once I finally get home. Pray the flight gods like me today. <3

CHRISTMAS...

So, I finally got home and have been having the loveliest of times. I've been running around non-stop from hanging out with one friend to another or doing family things. It's gonna be rather quiet around here in the next couple of weeks. I'm having mixed feelings about New Years resolutions and thoughts. I'm looking forward to some time by myself and in my head. And I'm going to take a nap this afternoon. Can't wait. Merry Christmas, dearies.

2011

Hey there 2011... I'm not sure you're ready for Kip and Kara.

THAT YEAR...

i started putting together this post with pictures, but then got bored. i then started adding links, but then got bored. so i decided to just write it all out in underscores, in list form. seeing this list was good... my senior year of high school was odd. so has this first semester of college. i have mixed feelings. i've been quiet on here for the last few months because i don't know how to write about what i've been thinking or going through or learning, because i haven't figured it out yet. so, for now i'll write this list and make some more lists until i find the sentences.

so here it is...

in 2010 i directed a play, had heart surgery, went on a magical and hilarious spring break with kanda, brenna, kerstyn, and my mom, became wonderful friends with kaitlyn, covered my bedroom wall in pictures, became a vegetarian, took holga photos, dyed my hair bright red, graduated high school, turned eighteen, pierced my nose, ran a fun online class, got a new camera, got published for the first time, took photos i was proud of, met kip, moved to new york city, learned to develop film, experienced a beautiful new england autumn,  fought for myself, fell in love with the MoMA, got my first coffeemaker, met many online friends, got good grades my first semester of college, forgave, made mistakes, healed, and ate lots of bad for me food.

not bad at all.

MOMENTS 2010

I remember replaying Bon Iver and opening up that package of old letters, emails, pictures, memoribilia that I had tied up with a yellow string and hidden in the top of my bedroom closet and reading it all over again. I cried.

I remember realizing what friendships mattered to me.

I remember sitting on my roof with my friends the night before my birthday. It had been raining, but then it stopped and the sky exploded with color.

I remember making that decision and crying at the kitchen table trying to convince my dad and knowing that I had no idea what I was doing.

I remember singing 'Please Don't Go' with Kip as we drove by Borah high school.

I remember the anger and the letters and letting it overcome me.

I remembered sitting on that bus as Brooklyn passed me by. Praying I'd get home safely.

I remember driving away from that house in the summer. Feeling nothing.

I remember after graduating, I sat in my bathtub and bawled. No one other than my family came to see me graduate and I turned off the lights and flipped on the fan and cried. I cried to God that it was a hard year. I sobbed about the depression, the fear of growing up and making the wrong decision. I sobbed about the play and the sickening fear of the ER and heart surgery and losing control and still missing him. I thought no one could hear me over the fan and then my dad stood by the bathroom door and asked me if I was okay. 

I remember laying in the park with Natalie and Matt and feeling the raindrops hit my closed eyelids.

I remember the Chicago airport and wanting someone to take care of me. I remember realizing it didn't matter.

I remember sitting in bed until 1 p.m. with a cup of coffee, reading old things, because I was too scared to deal with the present.

I remember the loft of honesty and laughing at my mom and drinking coffee in the snowy mountains with Kanda, Brenna, and Kerstyn.

I remember laying on the ER bed. Nurses kept commenting on my sparkly Toms. I remember when the nurse whispered an urgent "Uh, doctor" and then the room filled with nurses.

I remember dancing in the rain with Brenna on the last day of high school.

I remember straining to see New York for the first time. I was wearing a black t-shirt and feeling sick to my stomach.

I remember saying words I didn't mean.

I remember the first night I met Kip and Jose Gonzelez was playing and we sped through Kuna's backroads away from AJ's house, saying nothing.

I remember the last day of high school. We went to Natalie's and ate pasta and had bitchy yearbook commentary.

I remember crying out to God that night in August at the thursday night conference.

I remember when he told me his secret and I didn't care because I love him.

I remember a few nights before I left when Kaitlyn was over because of the mud shoot. She curled my hair and we went on a barefoot walk and she told me tell her the story. We went on the long loop and I talked and giggled and remembered. We made it the park where we layed on our backs against the cemement and I told her what it all taught me. We sat up and held each other's hands and prayed for each other for the next year. Some teenage boys came to the park and we finished up and walked back. We made coffee and ate chocolate and sat on the driveaway and talked even more.

I remember Natalie and Kanda visiting me and staying until 3 a.m. We ate peanut m'n'm's and talked about boys.

CURRENTS

missing these two gorgeous ladies. i took some family photos for them during christmas break and this one jumped out at me because of the authenticity of who they are. they've been my best friends since i was nine and i couldn't ask for two better ladies. they are sisters. but they are my sisters too. listeningto this great cover and apple horse, of course. avoiding walking to another building to fill up my laundry card. wanting a long, night summer drive in my car. working on the mini class PDF i'll be selling later next week. i couldn't sleep a few nights ago because i kept thinking and drreaming about it! eating caramel and chocolate ghiredelli sqaures. so good. thinking about my future.

and really loving the freedom and beauty in my life. i am strongly considering some big changes in my life and struggling with what that means for living my life right now. right now in the present. in this dorm room. in this city. with all these wonderful pepole.  i've really come to realize that most of the time it's about the attitude, giving myself a break, and quiet moments. hope you're well. <3

FLASHBACK FRIDAY SEVEN

A new Flashback Friday post, y'all!

I directed a play, Noises Off,  at my high school from January-March of last year. It was a huge learning experience for me and even though I had a lot of 'why the hell did I do this' thoughts, I'm really glad I survived and left with the friendships and experience I did.

Because I'm a dork, one of my favorite things were the posters I made. I used studio lights to  photograph the cast and designed this poster with a photograph of my antique quilt and a Kitschy Digitals frame. I ended up laminating and printing them at 20x27inches and put about 6 up around the school(in addition to black and white regular sized ones that I drowned the school in).

I still like how they came out and it always brought a smile to my face to see my bed staring back at me around my high school ever day! Funny story: I realized a few days after all the posters were up that I forgot to put the time of the play on them! Luckily, Facebook events saved most of the confusion, but I felt like such an idiot after that.

You can pick up the Kitschy Digitals frames here and the quilt background paper as a free download from last year!

Happy weekend!

HELLO WHIMSY

Oh my! So I guest posted for Wayside Violet last week and I forgot to share about it here. I pulled together this cute outfit. Click onto Wayside Violet to see where I found all these pretties!

 

A HIGHLINE OUTFIT

I need to edit and blog about this day(along with photos from an adventure to Coney Island from last week. Oy vey.), but I thought I would share the outfit I wore. Winter has made me unenthusiastic about clothing, but on Friday we had a rare day of weather in the 60s and I had to take advantage of it!

The Highline is one of my favorite places in the whole city. Alli and I had to laugh at all the people staring at we took these up there. I'm like, hello?! This is NYC. On the Highline. Pretend we're tourists and move on! Hahaha. 

I got this dress for $4 during a thrifting adventure with Kip during Christmas break and I love it!

Dress: Thrifted

Belt: Thrifted

Socks: Forever21

Shoes: Thrifted

I've had these heels for several years and, as you can see, I love them very much.

Thanks to Alli for snapping these photos and putting up with my weird "i want to do a blog post about this outfit, so let's take 50 million pictures on the Highline while people stare". <3