i've been thinking about thinking and i've been thinking that i think a lot.
i've been thinking about this song. i've been thinking about how bitter i've been towards my relationship with j. about how i let my anger about the situation manifest into an anger towards him. i hadn't listened to this song in a very long time and when it came onto my itunes shuffle today, i started to subconsciously sing along. last year i listened to this song over and over again when i needed to be gently reminded that our relationship could never go anywhere. it helped me accept the fact that was our relationship was beautiful and as simple as it should have been.
i've been thinking about what it means to be both a christian and a feminist.
i've been thinking about how to balance focused hard work and free-spiritedness. i'm have no idea where the line is between becoming a better person and still being gentle with myself.
i've been thinking about the people that i'm leaving behind. and my pretty magazine covered walls and comfy couch and warm backyard. i've been thinking about how life is just passing and how i'm never going to be sixteen again. and how my life is going to be beautiful. is beautiful. but i don't care for time. it doesn't work the way i want it to.
i've been thinking about what it means to love like jesus.
i've been thinking about how to deal with people who don't agree with what i have become. i don't know how to tell them that i don't care about who they want me to be, but that i do care about them.
july 2010.
